Why are handjobs necessary in class?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
