i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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