Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
