Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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