something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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