She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
