Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
