The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
