i permit you to call me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
