i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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