Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
