dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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