Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
