That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
