alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
