After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
