explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
