In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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