I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
