Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
