Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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