P.S. I can't hear my feet
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
