In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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