the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
