Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
