4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i love accidental penises.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
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You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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