That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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