Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
