but the lizard people decide everything anyway
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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