my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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