At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
