I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize