Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
