This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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