I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
