I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
