so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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