overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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