So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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