I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize