I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
