Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
