I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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