Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
