The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
