We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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