awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
