why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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