My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
