So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
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I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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