he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
