Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
