Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she told me i tasted like america
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
