when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
