Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
