also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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