is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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