i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My vagina is officially offended.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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