im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
