I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My feet surprised me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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