Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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