now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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